i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
