I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
