Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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