I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
