dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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