I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
