I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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