walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
