Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
