i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
