Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
