I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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