After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
