remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
