I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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