I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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