I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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