I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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