Please, let me fuck your mom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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