he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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