I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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