bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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