shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just invented taco cereal.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
