the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
