I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
