we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
