Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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