He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
