Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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