moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
