Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
