its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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