its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
