lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
