There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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