It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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