wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
