I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
