I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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