It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
