I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize