xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
