I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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