I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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