I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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