Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
