If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
