I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
