I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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