Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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