I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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