last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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