Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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