you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
