Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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