She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
