and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
