its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
