just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
