Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
