I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
