Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
