Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
