this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
