FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize