Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
