I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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